And it keeps on going

I am now looking for ways to report the Dr who originally saw me at FT Campbell.

I have contacted many people and the important thing here is to have all your facts together. I am gathering all of this information and putting it together in one big packet. I am going to do this right. I want my rights protected, and to do that I have to play by the rules. I am more than willing to play by the rules as long as those who are in "leadership" roles are willing to do the same. But, as I have seen lately, many of the medical people who care for the soldiers are not as professional as they claim to be. In any case, I can meet them at any level they wish to meet me.

My regular Dr is going to help me!

I spoke with my regular Dr today, and she told me flat out she would help me fight this nonsense.

I asked her, “Look Dr JILL, could I have what they say I have? If so, tell me because I need to know.”

She told me very sternly that I am not crazy, at least not in the way to make my upper back swell up and hurt. We have an MRI and other tests that prove I am hurt.

SO.. She is on board to help me! Yeah!

I hope to get this crap over soon. I have found so many websites about what the military is doing, it is so sad. This whole Personality Disorder Discharge really is sad.
The more I read about it, the sadder I get. How can the military keep doing this and expect people to still respect it? Oh well. I don't know.

First part of being organized.

First - I edited yesterday's post a little. Feel free to go back and read it again.

OK - I sent my Command an e-mail explaining what was happeing and what my next steps were.

I am waiting for my appointment with the neurologist. I am sure this is going to be a long, hard, slow battle. But, oh well, if it was easy everyone would do it.

I am going to try to figure out how to put word documents on here so each post is not so long.

I will post the letter (edited with no names) as soon as I figure out how to do that.

It will give you an example. BUT, do not think it is a great or perfect example. Heck, I may have pissed off the whole world with this letter. But, at least it will give you somewhere to start.

Thank you for the e-mails I have received. Very nice. But, you are welcome to post here. No one will know your name.

After this mess, I don't blame you.

Anyway, I hope you have a nice day!

Good luck and God Bless.

My Back Pain

My back hurts a lot when I sit too long. So today I may not post anymore. I will try to post at least once a day.

I am at the point of - "If the darn Doctors think all of this is in my head - why did they not give me medicine to fix my darn head?" In their thinking my pain in my back would be gone. Jerks! OK that was ugly. I need to be nice.

I know it is hard. Just remember - you can be mean here - just don't mention any name. Get all your frustrations out here, and then go back to your command refreshed and composed. Do not cry or whine - I have done enough of they for the time being.

I am going to post this BLOG on my web site and visa versa. I am also going to start posting this BLOG in the Veterans sections of the Military Websites.

For those who read my other blog, feel free to post at either place. I am answering there also.

And as I have mentioned, feel free to post at my website.


Good luck and God Bless.

The plan - get organized

Now for a plan…


Tomorrow I am sending a letter to my command and telling them all there is to tell. The entire back story and what I plan to do next. NO Matter what, this you must do.

Do not be angry or disrespectful; let them know the whole story and what your next step will be.

The reason for this is two fold;

1. If you do this you have proof you have given your command a chance to fix it, even if they can't fix it, you have given them that chance.

Remember, we have to follow all the rules. So, we must know how to work within the rules.

2. If this gets to the Congressional Levels - the very first question will be "did you given the lower levels a chance to fix the problem?" This will be your proof that you did give everyone a chance.

I am not trying to hide secrets. I am trying to fix my future. This needs to be how you operate. You do not have to put everything out in the open, but you do have to let your command know the steps you are about to take.

When I am finished with my letter I will post it and you can use it.
If you are already out of the military, use you civilian chain before going to congress.

First ask for your medical records from St Louis. I will post that link soon.
Then go back to my other entry named – “How to fix your situation - see civilian Doctors” and get all the medical proof you can find. Then start "knocking" on doors.
GO to your city council, then your local representative, then ask them where to go from there, and continue to climb the chain until you get an answer. Give each chain at least 7 business days to do their work before going to the next step. Remember, not feeling lonely because you are not the only one, also means - You are not the only one. Let each person in each step do their best. If they can't help you, thank them and move on.

I don't have all the answers, but I will gladly help you find them.


Thank you.

Good Luck and God Bless!

How to fix your situation - see civilian Doctors

How can you watch after yourself and help yourself?

How can someone who is in such a controlled environment do anything to pull him or herself out of the circle of unfairness?

VERY CAREFULLY, and unfortunately it will take time and money.

It is almost impossible to control your military life once you have been deemed a troublemaker. (And I will be right there with you soon enough).

But some important keys to remember - which I don't follow very well - is that this is a fight for your future and the future of your family. It is very hard not to get emotionally wrapped into the big business of political bull crap, and it is hard to keep your mind on the big picture when you are tired and in pain.


So, now I need to practice what I preach.

Your commander is not your friend, but he/she is also not your enemy.

That person works for the government and because of that, they will do what is the best thing for the government. DON'T forget your commander has a family and they have to eat too. He/she is not going to go to bat for your butt unless you have evidence that they should. Learn how to read regulations. Officers live within the world of regulations, and if you can use those, you have someone on your side - even if it is privately.

Concerning your unit and your past friends: it is not you against them war. IT will feel like it, but they are in the same environment you are and they are VERY scared that this type of thing will happen to them one day especially if they help you. So they are not being mean when they abandon you, they are also fighting for survival. If you start feeling abandoned by your old buddies, let them know you know how they feel and you do understand. Then watch out for other soldiers who have nothing to lose and who are natural troublemakers. They may then try to be your friend. DO NOT fall for this. They will only bring you down farther. You must just accept the fact that when you fight for your rights, you become an island in your little part of the world. Don't let scavengers become part of your team.

You are going to have to fight this one alone. Get over it. BUT, when I say alone, I don't mean totally alone. There are some few places on the Internet that will offer help. USE THEM! And I am going to write down everything that is happening to me, and how it goes along the way. USE this information to your benefit.

Whining and complaining is not going to get you anywhere. YES I have been doing that lately. Hell, I hurt so badly sometimes that is all I have. I am sure I will do it more - just learn to recognize whining compared to presenting your case and try to control the whining. Document everything that way you don't have to whine. You can present your evidence in a controlled manner.

So here is some of the plan you need to take....

A civilian Doctor is going to cost and arm and a leg, so you need to make sure you find a "sponsor" while you are fighting this. Sponsors can be Mom, Dad, distant relative, etc. I know some soldiers are so far gone in finances that paying for individual care is next to impossible. So, for those who are not so bad off... take action now. Get your own medical records with a Dr off post.

Yes, I know medical expenses are high. BUT, even in medium size cities there are always one or two doctors who are reasonable when you don't have insurance.

When you call a Drs office, ask what the charge would be to see the DR without insurance. Tell them the injury that you want to be seen for. Don't go into details. If like SPC Town you have hearing lose, or a brain injury, say those things. This is not the Dr to evaluate you for PTSD or to tell your whole story too. Once you get into the office, explain you are hurt and you need an evaluation just for those conditions that occurred during the time you are fighting. Believe it or not, a lot of Drs are so nice to people without insurance, they really do try to get in as much as they can in one visit. Tell them you only want evaluation for the injuries you requested. Don't tell them exactly why, you do not want their findings influenced good or bad. You just want results.

(Ask the Dr what other test you need to substantiate your injuries. I am paying the co-pays for an MRI, a neurologist, an ultrasound, a counselor, and a full blood work up. Yes, it is going to get expensive. I will be out over $2,000 by the time I am done, and that does not count the time I have away from work.)


After you get your results, and / or clinical notes, take these with you to a psychological counselor - this is who you want on your side.

Find a pastoral counseling group in your town. Most of these only run about $50 per visit, and maybe they will give you a really good deal if you tell them your situation. Show them your medical results and ask them to evaluate you for a personality disorder for at least 7 visits. Hey, if nothing else a little bit of time on the couch never hurt anyone. Remember, this is a civilian DR - YOU OWN THESE records, not the military, so no one has to know the results unless you tell someone.

Whatever you do, and I cannot stress this enough - don't whine. I have been very guilty of that recently, and I too have to stop. I found someone on my side and I will be on your side. Ask me questions and I will try my best to find the answers.

One last thing for today - VA representatives are not just for those who have been discharged. I am not discharged, and one is helping me. In fact I have found a VA career counselor who is giving me ideas on how to keep my career together during this mess.

Find one that you trust. I have found two who are both great! They are both older crusty retired enlisted guys who know what they are talking about.

If you find one you don't like, find another one who is one your side. Just like any good businessperson or politician, you need to surround yourself with people who will help you, not bring you down.

Thank GOD I found the ones I did.

Good luck. It is going to be a long hard road.

Lawsuit for Soldiers

If you have been wronged by the Military Medical profession, please read the following lawsuit and contact the attorneys.


There really are people who care, contact them.

http://www.mofo.com/news/pressreleases/12570.html

Please contact them for help.

Life comes at you fast - Military Personality Disorder

Veterans Personality Disorder


WOW! To relate life to a recent commercial - Life comes at you fast!

(This Entry will be fairly long. I will try not to make them all this long. I know how hard it is to read such a long BLOG – But, it will be worth it. :-)

I have learned so much in the last few days about myself, the military, and just life in general.

By the way, until two days ago I had never created my own blog, I had never created a really good web site, and I had never worried about the military "trying to set me up."

Well according to the military, I should not write something like that, because that could be seen as being paranoid and really hit home with what the doctors are trying to set me up for. It is has been a long hard battle, but I am finding answers and I have realized there are many more out there who have suffered through this same thing as me.


Here is the web site I created. It is not finished yet, and mine is small, so please don't point and laugh. :-)


http://militarydoctorshurtsoldiers.com/


Here is some back history....

I am National Guard and I am hurt. I was either hurt on Drill or at some other point in time. I believe I was hurt on drill, but I was open to suggestions. I went to a civilian Doctor at first, just to see where I should go next. I had never been hurt on drill before. But come to find out, if you are hurt at work, the whole medical system shuts down on you, and you have to go through your work to have them pay for it. Well, my "work" just happened to be the National Guard.

KEEP in mind I was never about "getting any money from the government" but I did want the injury documented for the future in case the injury came up later.....

In the civilian world I did manage to get an MRI that shows I have c3 - c6 damaged in my back.

(And the whole civilian / military Doctor thing is longer - I will cover that later)

Now fast forward to military doctors - I now have in my records that I am
psychosomatic and I have Factious Symptoms.

I called the VA representative here in town and he said the military doctors are trying to set me up to put me out on a Personality Disorder. That way IF I am hurt, they never have to give me care. He told me about what was going on and a few websites to check out, and I googled the rest.

The VA REP told me that the numbers sited in the news reports are about 24,000 soldiers that have been discharged with a personality disorder and this number is actually too low. Many soldiers do not want to come forward, or soldiers are living on the streets and know nothing about what is going on, and if the news reporters could see the medical records (which they can't) most of the records are already sent to St Louis. So, the number 24,000 is thought to be grossly underestimated.

When a soldier does find out his / her rights, it takes sometimes 6 months to get copies of the records and (another paranoid fact) some items are occasionally missing from the medical records.

I spoke to this person on the phone for about 30 minutes twice and he gave me so much information it was like drinking water from a fire hose. He is so mad about this situation and for him to find out that it is still happening makes him even madder.


I will let the whole world know... If the military plans to ruin my life, bring it on! I refuse to be a victim of red tape and politics.

It may make me cry, it may make me frustrated, and it will make me mad as hell, but I will not quit. I know how it really works. I will endure some harassment, some hate, and some hard times. But, if one person can be helped from this, well good. (PS let me restate the crying part - I get really sad when something I believed in saddens me and I CRY real loud when I am VERY MAD - so there are going to be tons of tears).

I will not lie. Even with all the gung-ho in my heart, I am tired and I am very mentally weary. I may have to eventually quit. I may have to eventually hand the torch to someone else, but for the moment, I will fight a little longer. Oh yeah, then there is the whole selfish part. I will tell you, I am doing this for me. I never set out to help anyone but me. But, on the other hand, I am not going to hide what I find out. Knowledge is power, and I do not want that much power. Whatever you can learn from me to help yourself, please use it. It is free.

What the VERY funny part of all of this is, I really was not looking for any money or benefits. I just wanted to document the injury in case later in life it came up again. When I was discharged later in life this type of injury needs to be documented early. Depending on how the insurance works later in life, some insurances will not pay for injuries occurring in another role. So, you have to follow up on injuries and have them documented for future evaluation.

In my case, I really did not care who took responsibility, as long as the injury was documented as happening. Then we could figure out how it happened.

And now I am mixed in with this crime that continues to happen to soldiers everyday! (10 a day from the news reports) I guess I was almost one of those ten.

The VA Rep explained it to me this way... when I went to the clinic on post; the military Doctor saw a soldier that was hurt, he did not take the time to really ask questions. He does not even know I have not been deployed, and he does not know that I was just there to be evaluated as a possible military injury. He assumed I was trying to obtain benefits from the military, and so he started the process of making me look like I have a personality disorder. He started the chain of evidence.

(The doctor really never asked why I was there. The Doctor said more than three times that my injury was not a career ending injury. What is really interesting, I never mentioned my injury was career ending. In fact, that statement is as far away from the truth as you can think. I only wanted to get help so I could go on with my career. )

The Doctors saw a soldier who was hurt and "might" eventually receive some benefits. So, I now have the label of psychosomatic and factious symptoms.

If I had never received the civilian MRI BEFORE going to see the military Doctor, I would not have any proof that I was injured before seeing them, and I would never have a leg to stand on. You see the bad circle soldiers get caught in when referring to Factious Disorder is this;


"Factitious disorders are mental disorders in which a person acts as if he or she has a physical or mental illness when, in fact, he or she has consciously created his or her symptoms. (The name factitious comes from the Latin word for "artificial.")


People with factitious disorders deliberately create or exaggerate symptoms of an illness in several ways. They may lie about or fake symptoms, hurt themselves to bring on symptoms, or alter diagnostic tests (such as contaminating a urine sample).


People with factitious disorders behave this way because of an inner need to be seen as ill or injured, not to achieve a concrete benefit, such as a financial gain. People with factitious disorders are even willing to undergo painful or risky tests and operations in order to obtain the sympathy and special attention given to people who are truly ill. Factitious disorders are considered mental illnesses because they are associated with severe emotional difficulties."

Please read the entire description here and you will get as mad as I am!!!

http://www.clevelandclinic.org/health/health-info/docs/2800/2820.asp?index=9832

*******************************

Ok now read into this prior paragraph... If I had NOT had the MRI completed before the military doctors said I have a factious symptom, then they could have said I "REALLY" injured myself later to get a positive MRI. Thank goodness I have the prior MRI.

That is why I am not giving up. The VA rep told me that hardly any soldiers (especially active soldiers) have the evidence that I have, to show the military doctors are making this stuff up to give soldiers a bad discharge.
That MRI was completed only two weeks before seeing the military Drs and it shows I am really injured. NOW that military doctors are saying that I have factious symptoms. (BY the way, Factious Symptoms are a part of the disorder that falls in to the realm of Personality Disorders). The VA Rep is correct, the military Drs are trying to set me up for failure.

One other note;

if you do end up like this, The VA Rep advised - DO NOT go to an on-post psychologist. That is the next step in the process. It goes like this;


FIRST, you are hurt, which makes you tired, and the Doctors send you everywhere and anywhere for more and more tests. They continue to dismiss your pain and make you feel guilty about more tests. They may say things like "Well, ok we will do more tests, but only to satisfy YOU."

You are hurting longer and longer, and you have had little sleep for a very long time. You miss work because of pain, stress, being all around tired, and then that is held against you (yes it has happened to me and others I have read about).

If you are like me, you do your best with the pain and hurting you are going through, but it is not enough. You then get the speech of responsibility and accountability. Now you have pain, frustration, stress, tongue lashings from many different angles, little or no sex, and lack of good sleep; Then after a certain time frame that the Drs can see you have had it, they send you to an on post psychologist, where, of course you are crying, shouting, or just plain depressed.... WHAT do you think is going to happen at that point?

AT that point you are screwed.

REALLY DARK stuff isn't it? Sounds like Russia or China, doesn't it? BUT it isn’t! It is America and it is our Military that is doing this to us!

I know that out of 24,000 soldiers that were discharged for personality disorder, maybe a few had it.... but over 24,000!!!

I am going to try to fight this, but I have already cussed out one DR who is a Major (I am sure that will come up later), so I am not sure how far I am going to get. I will still try. I will keep a log of my career, and how all of this is affecting my life.

Please join this blog and / or my website. If you don’t totally trust bringing this public, and I wouldn’t if I were you, register in my website only with the first three letters of each name.

Also, use a very general screen name. Don’t use something like, FTBenningNCO. Use a name like HurtSoldier, or MadSoldier. Something like that is more general and you will not have to worry about someone harassing you later (Yes, I know – very paranoid tendencies will get me every time.) LOL, but is it really paranoia when someone is really out to get you?

Even the VA Rep has no idea how many veterans and soldiers are out there with military medical issues. Here you can post without you real name and maybe together we can help each other.

GOOD LUCK! And GOD Bless!

The Beginning - Veterans Personality Disorder

Past Blogging



This was the very first post I composed at another Blog site. I wanted to, and needed to, post these here, because like every soldier who has gone through this, it is a very sad and frustrating fight. I want every moment of this red tape documented for the world to see.

I want every soldier to know that they are not the only ones to go through this. It is a long hard battle, but somehow, someway it can be won.

I am also posting these because it shows what I felt before I found hope, and someone to help me. These posts describe deeply how I felt when I believed I was all alone. I NOW know I am not alone in this. There are over 24,000 known soldiers out there who are going through this, and maybe many more who have not come forward.

Everyone who is suffering needs to know even the strongest ones lose hope. If you have lost hope of getting your life and you benefits back. Please know that you are not the only one who has thought like this.

This was me before I got organized.



April 23, 2008


My first post...(ever)


I just got home from the post hospital and doctor's office. I had to have some place to share my life in hell. I guess for a time this is going to be it.


I have never blogged like this before. I have blogged before, but I have never started one. Today will change all that.

I am sad. My thoughts about who I am, and who I stand for, all changed today. Let me tell you a little about myself. I am in the National Guard and I have been hurt. I believe I was hurt on duty, and I have been hurting ever since Jan 2008.
The stuff I have endured in the last few months, no one should go through.

The physical and mental abuse I have suffered at the hands of these Doctors leave little for me to be happy about. I was so happy as a soldier, but then to get hurt and be treated like someone who is trying to "get something" is a terrible feeling. This has been going on for some time, and now I have lost all hope of ever receiving care.


I used to be the “bible beater” of the military. I wanted people to have the opportunities to do the things I did, and go to the places I have gone. I have talked up the military so many times. I feel like I have been forsaken.

I have given up so much of my time for the military. I have always put the military first, knowing one day they would do the same for me. But, that has not been the case. All the hours away from my family, all the extra money I given to the unit when we needed something, all the extra things I did, now seem so wasted, and stupid. Why did I believe in such a huge group that eventually let me down? I don’t know. I am in so much pain. I wake up in pain, I work all day in pain, I go to bed in pain. I can’t spend the time I did with my kids, because I am always in pain. Pain, Pain, Pain. And the military Doctors do nothing. They treat soldiers terrible, and they look at you like you have interrupted their day by going to them for help.


I am so sad, when once I was so happy. I believed in something. I was a part of something. We wear the same uniform. We are all on the same team. I am so upset because I have devoted my whole life to the military, and now I am hurt. I am not getting medical care, no retirement, and no help. I will have to live with this for the rest of my life and the military doctors do not care. I used to dance, run, play, climb trees, hike, work out, swim, and now … nothing. nothing. The only thing I have left is writing.

I am so sad.



April 23, 2008


I am not sure how to do this. Is this a daily thing or is it like a forum that you can add to at anytime, well I guess I will learn.

This is so incredibly sad. When you devote your whole life on something and plan your retirement around it, what do you do when it does not pan out?

We are not just talking about hurt feelings. We are talking about a hurt future. Who will hire me with pain? What medical insurance will cover me with a pre-condition? My life has changed a lot over one injury. They say I am faking it. How can that be? I have proof that I am not faking it. Are the military doctors seriously trying to brainwash me into thinking the tests are wrong? This cannot be real.

How do I live the rest of my life knowing the one thing I loved more than anything, and stood up for during this whole war, has forsaken me? After the scandals in military health care lately, you would think it would be different, but it is not. The Military Doctors can treat soldiers how they like, because we have no way out. You cannot talk back to a military Doctors because that can hurt your career. A soldier has no way to get help, when the people who are supposed to help them do nothing.


I am in pain.

I am so sad.