The Beginning - Veterans Personality Disorder

Past Blogging



This was the very first post I composed at another Blog site. I wanted to, and needed to, post these here, because like every soldier who has gone through this, it is a very sad and frustrating fight. I want every moment of this red tape documented for the world to see.

I want every soldier to know that they are not the only ones to go through this. It is a long hard battle, but somehow, someway it can be won.

I am also posting these because it shows what I felt before I found hope, and someone to help me. These posts describe deeply how I felt when I believed I was all alone. I NOW know I am not alone in this. There are over 24,000 known soldiers out there who are going through this, and maybe many more who have not come forward.

Everyone who is suffering needs to know even the strongest ones lose hope. If you have lost hope of getting your life and you benefits back. Please know that you are not the only one who has thought like this.

This was me before I got organized.



April 23, 2008


My first post...(ever)


I just got home from the post hospital and doctor's office. I had to have some place to share my life in hell. I guess for a time this is going to be it.


I have never blogged like this before. I have blogged before, but I have never started one. Today will change all that.

I am sad. My thoughts about who I am, and who I stand for, all changed today. Let me tell you a little about myself. I am in the National Guard and I have been hurt. I believe I was hurt on duty, and I have been hurting ever since Jan 2008.
The stuff I have endured in the last few months, no one should go through.

The physical and mental abuse I have suffered at the hands of these Doctors leave little for me to be happy about. I was so happy as a soldier, but then to get hurt and be treated like someone who is trying to "get something" is a terrible feeling. This has been going on for some time, and now I have lost all hope of ever receiving care.


I used to be the “bible beater” of the military. I wanted people to have the opportunities to do the things I did, and go to the places I have gone. I have talked up the military so many times. I feel like I have been forsaken.

I have given up so much of my time for the military. I have always put the military first, knowing one day they would do the same for me. But, that has not been the case. All the hours away from my family, all the extra money I given to the unit when we needed something, all the extra things I did, now seem so wasted, and stupid. Why did I believe in such a huge group that eventually let me down? I don’t know. I am in so much pain. I wake up in pain, I work all day in pain, I go to bed in pain. I can’t spend the time I did with my kids, because I am always in pain. Pain, Pain, Pain. And the military Doctors do nothing. They treat soldiers terrible, and they look at you like you have interrupted their day by going to them for help.


I am so sad, when once I was so happy. I believed in something. I was a part of something. We wear the same uniform. We are all on the same team. I am so upset because I have devoted my whole life to the military, and now I am hurt. I am not getting medical care, no retirement, and no help. I will have to live with this for the rest of my life and the military doctors do not care. I used to dance, run, play, climb trees, hike, work out, swim, and now … nothing. nothing. The only thing I have left is writing.

I am so sad.



April 23, 2008


I am not sure how to do this. Is this a daily thing or is it like a forum that you can add to at anytime, well I guess I will learn.

This is so incredibly sad. When you devote your whole life on something and plan your retirement around it, what do you do when it does not pan out?

We are not just talking about hurt feelings. We are talking about a hurt future. Who will hire me with pain? What medical insurance will cover me with a pre-condition? My life has changed a lot over one injury. They say I am faking it. How can that be? I have proof that I am not faking it. Are the military doctors seriously trying to brainwash me into thinking the tests are wrong? This cannot be real.

How do I live the rest of my life knowing the one thing I loved more than anything, and stood up for during this whole war, has forsaken me? After the scandals in military health care lately, you would think it would be different, but it is not. The Military Doctors can treat soldiers how they like, because we have no way out. You cannot talk back to a military Doctors because that can hurt your career. A soldier has no way to get help, when the people who are supposed to help them do nothing.


I am in pain.

I am so sad.